dotlizard dot com - Latest Comments in you just never know

Re: you just never know

C.C. — Wed, 14 Aug 2002 08:53:50 -0000

holy shit.....

Re: you just never know

z.hendirez — Wed, 14 Aug 2002 06:42:37 -0000

In my job, I've probably seen more death than anyone I know. It's strange how after the first one or two, you end up detaching it from real life. You feel that you should feel something, but instead you just wonder what's taking the coroner so long, where you're going for lunch, what you'll do after work. If I didn't have this reaction, I would have had to give up my job years ago. But it also makes you feel just a little less human sometimes, even though you aren't.

Re: you just never know

robyn — Tue, 13 Aug 2002 08:45:59 -0000

I'm not sure if you were reading my blog then, but we had a neighbor four doors down commit suicide this spring by shooting himself and then burning the house to the ground. Like you, I blogged it as it was going on around us as well. There's just something about needing to talk, even when you don't know what to say, sometimes... Thinking of you!

Re: you just never know

Kymberlie R. McGuire — Tue, 13 Aug 2002 08:41:21 -0000

I really have no idea what to say except I'm sorry and I hope that he found peace and that his family can too some day. Sending you good thoughts.

Re: you just never know

Camille — Tue, 13 Aug 2002 04:11:11 -0000

oh wow. how odd it must have felt for you to know that this man was there that morning and gone a few hours later. i'm trying to put myself in your shoes, and i can only think that even if i didn't know him well, i would be deeply affected and terribly confused as to why he committed this irreversable act. i'm so sorry you have been faced with this.

Re: you just never know

yadda — Tue, 13 Aug 2002 04:07:21 -0000

I'm so sorry to read about this KD. I hope his pain is over now.

Re: you just never know

ratty — Tue, 13 Aug 2002 03:50:50 -0000

(((kd)))

Re: you just never know

Kitty — Tue, 13 Aug 2002 03:48:43 -0000

Sorry you went thru that kd. Glad that you talked about it.

Dr. D - your comment yesterday kind of took me aback when you said "Awful. Why don't these people talk about their problems or seek assistance?" only because I thought you would understand the nature of suicide - possibly through your training or your rotation through psych.

Then this morning, your post including "Too weak to deal with issues or perhaps too proud to talk and ask for help."

I am not picking on you, and I suspect your intentions were not to talk about the "suicidal patient" but rather to commiserate with kd about how awful it must have been for her.

I just had to clarify that the suicidal patient - at least what *I* am familiar with - has little regard for anyone else. It's themselves. It's being unable to talk to anyone about it because when one is so far down, their minds are made up. They are ill. It's a disease. Of course they have psychiatric problems. They are not of the same mind as those that sit and analyze the reasons one would do such a thing.

Suicide is incomprehensible to anyone who has never experienced depression so deep that there really is no other solution than to leave it all behind. To put an end to the pain. Suicide is the only way.

I speak as someone who has indeed experienced it. The last time (7 yrs ago) I truly died. I was in the trauma room and being resuscitated with CPR and pressors etc., while my husband was being asked if he wanted to donate any of my organs. But I made it. It wasn't my time to die.

I am much, much better now. It's in my past. But not that far away that I don't remember how hopeless I felt, and how disturbed I really was.

Sorry for the long post, but I just felt the need to clarify. It's not about the person being too weak or too proud to ask for help. It's just much deeper than that.
xoxo

Re: you just never know

say-say — Tue, 13 Aug 2002 02:52:31 -0000

Damn. You know, for a person to really go and kill themself (with true intentions of doing so), they must have a lot of pain going on inside. It's really sad to think of how much he must have been dealing with to go to such an extreme. And as far as talking to someone goes - yuh right. There's only so much talking can do. People saying "It will get better," or "It will be okay" or "You don't have it that bad" - only makes a person feel worse.

It's really sad. Terribly sad. Kitty said some good stuff. I agree.

Re: you just never know

Dr. D. — Tue, 13 Aug 2002 02:04:01 -0000

Indeed it is kd, life, despite it's problems is VERY precious and so finite. Here this moment and gone the next. Note how the moment a person passes on, everything about them suddenly is reported in the past tense, "he was a good guy" etc. So unpredictable. I have always heard people say that folks who choose suicide are very strong. I believe that they are weak as well, many of them also have Psychiatric disease which is a big risk factor for suicide. Too weak to deal with issues or perhaps too proud to talk and ask for help. It is sad, sad, sad. I've siad this before and I'll say it again, I don't think that I could ever get to the point where I feel that I would take my own life. (we should never categorically say never, as life circumstances can really screw you sometimes.) I'm ready to listen, talk, dissuade, rescue, whatever needs to be done for anyone I know (or even a stranger) to stop them from picking this option, it is just a permanent end to problems that are often of a temporary nature. Enough of me and my 'post sized' comments.
.

Re: you just never know

Nico — Tue, 13 Aug 2002 01:54:35 -0000

If my comment sounds angry I'm sorry, it was not my intention as I'm not angry or addressing anyone in particular, except agreeing with Kitty.

Re: you just never know

Nico — Tue, 13 Aug 2002 01:47:22 -0000

It's nothing to look at. I'm sorry it happened so close to you. I'm sorry he died and for those left behind.
And I agree with Kitty. It has nothing to do with weakness. One shouldn't make quick judgements like that. Those who has been down that road knows it has nothing to do with pride or being to weak to deal with some issues. Like Kitty, I've experienced it myself. It's a long prosess, it's not something you do just because you have a bad day or feel down a week or two.

Re: you just never know

kd — Mon, 12 Aug 2002 21:15:15 -0000

thanks, Robyn, yeah, i remember that fire. and the aftermath. i may not have even commented, it may have seemed one of those, oh what do you say? it hits hard when it's so close.

so thanks for this.

thanks to *everyone* who commented and helped me get through this.

life is so fucking precious.

Re: you just never know

kd — Mon, 12 Aug 2002 07:40:28 -0000

amazing how much healing comes from (a) posting a post when all you can manage is short sentences with words of two syllables or less, and (b) getting the help and support of friends and finally (c) posting the post after this.

having vented, interacted, and finally gathered some thougths that were quite scattered, i feel much better. oh, and i did have some beer too. but it was the blogging that really made the difference.

Re: you just never know

bookworm — Mon, 12 Aug 2002 06:39:40 -0000

It's hard do be around something like that. You start trying remember signs, your involvment, etc. If you're not careful, you can start re-writing little things in your memories and wind up beating up on yourself. Doesn't sound like you're doing that, kd, and I'm glad. I did once - you can Really Hurt yourself that way. Several years ago, when I was in the US Navy, a young lady who worked for me tried to knife herself. She said it just happened - she didn't plan it, think about it, etc etc. The way she told us that part, it sounded authentic: She seemed shocked about the incident itself, spooked in a very serious way, but only puzzled that she couldn't remember actually deciding to do it. (Luckily, someone had stopped her in time, so she could talk about it!)

One of the officers in our unit had a MS in psych. (didn't counsel here himself - said he was too close. Guess that kind of "opening up" requires someone separate from the rest of your life, as if any "social damage" you do by telling your secrets isn't permanent, since you can ditch the shrink, or he/she doesn't "count" socially because of the nature of the interaction. Or something like that.) The psych-degree guy said that frequently, suicides happen because people feel backed into a corner, again and again, unable to do anything about "it" until their minds/outlooks turn into a kind of tunnel vision, with the only move available that gets any results is - well . . .

I'm sorry it happened so close to you, and glad to see the support and interaction you're getting here. Blogging was a good move.

Re: you just never know

Xkot — Mon, 12 Aug 2002 06:13:05 -0000

How awful. I have to admit, at one time I was so upset at a job that I thought about something like that, but thank God it was just a fleeting thought and I got past it. People get so much of their identity and socialization from their jobs these days that when things at work are bad, it can be just as stressful as problems at home - if not worse, since losing your job can ruin your home life, too.

I think it's important for people to remember that there is ALWAYS another option. You can quit your hellish job if it's getting to you - working at Taco Bell and being able to sleep at night is better than being miserable and having money.

Re: you just never know

Rants by Tess — Mon, 12 Aug 2002 05:41:42 -0000

Why You Look

kd had a coworker hang himself right outside the building they work in. KD made the comment that she wanted

Re: you just never know

VASpider — Mon, 12 Aug 2002 05:08:45 -0000

I'm completely speechless.

Re: you just never know

kd — Mon, 12 Aug 2002 05:00:54 -0000

oh, Jess, i'll bet you are. that's just terrifying.

life is pretty terrifying. it's good to have a blog, in times like these. 'cause yes, the feedback is really wonderful.

Re: you just never know

Jessica — Mon, 12 Aug 2002 04:42:54 -0000

I'm so sorry.
That would make me as introspectively spooked as I am territorially right now. Which is pretty spooked. The thieves did a right thorough casing of the joint, and we have a lot of shiny things still here.

Re: you just never know

dan — Mon, 12 Aug 2002 04:27:15 -0000

kd, I think many of us use our blogs or personal pages as a form of catharsis. It also doesn't hurt to know there'll be some feedback coming along in just a bit...

Re: you just never know

Christine — Mon, 12 Aug 2002 04:04:54 -0000

Wow. That's truly sad.

Like you, I would have blogged it. I would have to get it out. I would need to write. Not odd, just the way it is. Sending you some positive thoughts, vibes, prayers, feelings ... you know. Good stuff.

Re: you just never know

stacey — Mon, 12 Aug 2002 03:34:15 -0000

Wow. Work really really really sucks even on it's best day, but not bad enough to do something like that. That's pretty heavy. It must suck if life is so bad you don't even call a friend or something to talk you out of it. Alone in an alley...

Re: you just never know

kd — Mon, 12 Aug 2002 03:28:26 -0000

maybe he chose that busy alley in hopes someone would find him and stop him in time? i just can't stop wondering or thinking about it. it was the weirdest thing standing there in the office, looking at his desk where he'd been this morning. pack of (i think) cloves on the desk, his cane neatly resting on the edge of his desk (he'd had a bad back injury and wasn't getting around too well).

someone said they saw him doing something with a rope thing, weeks ago. maybe we all keep to ourselves and mind our own business too much, to just not say anything?

someone said he 'thought he was being persecuted by a few people', that last part emphasized in an accusatory fashion. who knows what that meant. it's the sort of place where you either have one of two last names, or you're second class person. nepotism and attitudes are one of the reasons i keep to myself in my little office in the other division.

people tried to draw him out on how he was feeling, to no avail.

so he wandered out without his cane, and no one saw anything, and then ...

Re: you just never know

batgrl — Mon, 12 Aug 2002 03:26:07 -0000

That's really awful...
I think I would have wanted to go look - and then have had to stop myself from doing so. I probably would have had to blog just to DO something - because in that situation there is nothing to do except stand around and talk about it and feel badly...